In our modern society we are being programmed to seek happiness from external sources. It’s like they want us to be broken and depressed, so they could sell us the remedies, which actually make you want more and more of this temporary fake happiness. It is like a drug. And the dealer always has control over an addict. Everything outside of you is temporary. People come and go, things come and go, so having your happiness depending on external sources is like building a house of cards and naming it ‘’my happiness’’. It can come crashing down any time without a notice, and when it does, it will leave you in pieces. The only one you can be 100% sure, is never gonna leave you, is yourself. Nothing can take away the love that you have inside you. The ability to love yourself, is the capacity to love everybody else.
Very often these days, what we call love is not love at all. You might think that if you have strong feelings for someone and couldn’t imagine your life without them, that means you love them. You see something in them that makes suddenly takes away all the worries, makes you happy and evokes positive emotions. That kind of relationship is dependance - an addiction, because you are setting your own happiness as a goal for the relationship. The intention here is not giving love, but expecting love. We are unable to love anybody if we don’t love ourselves first. That is actually possession and attachment. And that causes friction, because you are not letting it flow - you are trying to control it. Attachment goes with expectations and the need for your personal wellbeing. Life is ever-changing, but your ego wants to avoid change and needs predictability. Most of the times your expectations can not be answered, because you have painted an image in your mind, that doesn’t align with the nature of reality that is unpredictable.
A strong sign of possession is jealousy. It manifests from fear and low self-esteem. If you doubt yourself and think, that maybe there is someone better and more attractive than you, you get jealous and start clinging to your partner, because you are afraid to lose them. In this kind of relationships people get hurt and hurt others. A person, who loves themselves can never be jealous, because they know, that they don’t own their partner and every person has a right to be free. In a healthy relationship there is mutual trust. Without trust there can be no love, only pain and drama. Until you have learned to love yourself, you will be constantly be seeking someone, that could fill the void inside you and make you happy.
Would you love someone who treats you like you treat yourself? If the answer to that question is yes, then you are doing fine I guess, but if the answer is no, then i want you to stop for a minute and really think about it. We can only connect with people from the level of perception and beliefs we have within us. You are always more drawn to the ones, who are within the same vibration that you are. You just feel that you have common ground with them and it feels comfortable. It doesn’t matter if you are in a positive or negative mindset. The law of attraction always works that way. Like attracts like and energy doesn’t lie. So every time you interact with someone, you are not perceiving them how they are, but how you are. You’re seeing a mirror image of yourself. How you behave and communicate your presence to them is how they are gonna respond to you. If you’re not loving yourself enough, then it can be felt from your energy. People will see you as weak and they will use you for their own good and treat you accordingly. You can't blame them for doing so, because your presence is dictating to them that this is how you want to be treated, even if you don’t really want it. So if you find yourself in a toxic and stressful relationship, then respect yourself and move on. Don’t let yourself be destroyed even more, just because you are afraid to be alone and settle for someone who is not good for you. You deserve much more! You deserve love. Learn from it and make the change in yourself. Life will keep testing you, whether you did learn and integrated the lesson or not. Until then the same pattern will keep repeating in every new relationship. Learn to really love yourself first and see how the world starts loving you back. There’s no other way.
‘’If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.’’
It’s the same with people and everything in life - If you love someone, you will not try to own or control them. Because if you own someone, they will lose their freedom and ability to be their authentic self. If you truly love someone, you let them be as they are and let them do what they wanna do. You just give without any expectations or conditions. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciating and accepting that someone within their uniqueness and imperfections.
Love is the art of giving without expecting anything in return.
Love flows freely and is liberating.
Love doesn’t want to control anything or benefit from itself.
Love is eternal and divine.
We can never force anyone to be with us and love us until the end, still most of us want that. People change and grow in different rates and directions and we can’t really expect anyone to grow with us in the same direction. We are all walking our unique path. That’s why people often end up drifting apart. I’m not saying that it is not possible to love one person for the rest of your life. I believe that there is someone right for everybody and it is a true blessing if you end up finding that one and spending your whole life happily together. But in most cases you have to go through quite a few failed relationships, before you are ready for the right one. Every relationship is there to teach you something important about yourself. So don’t look at a failed relationship as a waste of time and energy. If it didn’t work out, at least it taught you something. And without that lesson, you wouldn’t have become be the person you are today. You need patience. Everything will happen at the right time. But the ‘’happily ever after’’ you can only see working in retrospect. So actually letting go of a person and trusting the process will shift everything.
Many people hold on to relationships, when they have actually drifted in different directions and end up in arguments. It is so important to know, when to move on or when to try harder. Every relationship needs full commitment and compromise. So when things are not working then ask yourself: Am I loving myself enough to be able to love my partner? Have I done anything from my side to make it work? If the answer to that is yes and things still aren’t working, then it is probably time to move on. But we are so afraid of change and too afraid to be alone that we better continue a toxic relationship, than end it. It still seems better than having nobody. Actually that is the worst thing you can do to yourself. The ability to be happy alone is the only way you can actually love another human being. If the idea of being alone is frightening, then it is not possible to have a healthy relationship. Self-love is the key to a healthy and non-attaching relationship.
The foundation of true love is self-love. It means appreciating and accepting yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally within your uniqueness and imperfections. Nobody is perfect and it is irrational to expect yourself or anybody else to be. And I’m not talking about some egoistic, narcissistic ‘self-love’ where you admire yourself so much, that it makes everyone else meaningless. To be so confident about yourself, that no other person can raise to your level is a manifestation of fear and a cry for approval.
Self-love is the respect you give to yourself. The allowance to feel happy, worthy and valuable without any external circumstances. It is the ability to believe in yourself. It’s the self-discipline and the perseverance you have for fulfilling your dreams. It’s the trust you have for yourself, while you are on your path. The ability to say no, when you don’t feel like doing something. Self-love is taking the responsibility and the art of being the most authentic You. And if you’re really, truly embodying your path, only then you have the capacity to love everybody else the exact same way. You will then see, that you don’t need anybody else to make you happy, because you already have the happiness and love within you. In that loving state you can be a mirror for people to love you back, because there is no possession or attachment involved.
To be able to love yourself, you have to know yourself. And to know yourself, you have to dive deep into your inner space and find out. There is nothing to gain, everything is already there. It’s just buried under the stuff you have been carrying along for so long. It's not about finding yourself, rather than removing all the layers, that aren't really you. These are fears, traumas and suppressed emotions and memories that have to be worked through and released before you can meet your true self. With meditation and spiritual practices you can get to them and work them out. It might not be easy and involves a lot of patience, courage and consistency, but eventually you will start feeling much better. You will see that you have to forgive a lot of people. By forgiving I don’t mean you go to them, say I forgive you, but still hold a grudge inside you. This is not forgiving. Forgiving is freeing yourself from the poison you put inside yourself. Only, if you put yourself into a victim position, you will have difficulties with forgiving, but if you observe life situations as vital parts of your growth process, then you are keeping the control in your own hands. Everything in life is neutral and only your reaction and response to these situations determines them as good or bad.
A good practice for self-love is asking yourself every morning in front of the mirror one simple question - What do i love about myself? Answering that question in a positive manner works like a mantra, that boosts your self-confidence and gives good energy for the starting day. Even if you have trouble finding anything at all, and find it easier to see things you hate about yourself, then try turning the negative into positive and just keep repeating it to yourself every day. It will be uncomfortable and seem pretty stupid at the beginning, but believe me, after a while of doing so, you will start to reprogram your neural pathways and build new connections and at some point you will start believing these positive things. Once you have made it to the believing phase, you will see how all your life will change significantly. Your beliefs create your reality. Change your beliefs - change your reality. Much love to you!